3 Secrets to Loving Your Worst Enemy

May 06, 2021



Who is your worst enemy? Is she or he someone who has treated you unkindly, injured you, or neglected your loved one—a careless home nurse, a good-for-nothing relative, or an unhelpful doctor? Was this person offensive or insulting?

How long have you endured this awful relationship? A few months or weeks?

I would guess you’ve suffered abuse for most of your life, probably since fifth or sixth grade, when you began comparing yourself to others in earnest—a natural phenomenon of pre-teen social awareness.

If you’re normal, you’ve possibly become your own worst enemy by daily criticizing your looks, talents, choices, and relationships.


You must know you’re a child of God, a cherished heir to all that Heavenly Father has, with infinite worth. When you’d rather take a nap than clean house, He isn’t ashamed of you. He understands fatigue.

If you react to a trigger and feel ashamed later, know that God isn’t ashamed of you. He gave you your body and brain, knowing how it would react to stress and trauma.

Why would you torment yourself with derogatory comments and impatient expectations of perfection? 

Could it be a misunderstanding, a belief that you must perform miracles of multi-tasking and be everything to everyone? Are you striving to make everyone happy and comfortable, fixing all the problems, and meeting every need?

Secret #1 - Compassion

When you compare your weaknesses and bad hair days with others’ strengths and fabulous moments, your spirit may be wounded and hide from your own harsh treatment.

The more disappointed you feel with yourself, the harder it is to be compassionate. Eventually, you don’t know what you want because you’ve suppressed your needs for so long. It’s hard to face yourself in the mirror.

You may have boundless compassion for others, but don’t offer it to yourself. Caring for a husband, children, patients, parents, and neighbors while neglecting yourself is easier when you don’t feel deserving.

You can’t provide adequate self-care when what you need eludes you. It takes effort to be your own best friend, but you’re worth it.

Have you heard that the best way to lose an enemy is to turn them into a friend?

Of course, it’s more common to want to fight back or hide when you feel threatened than to look for ways to make friends.

But it’s time to befriend yourself.


Secret #2 - Curiosity

When you were little, you were adorable. You could sing, draw, dance, imagine, help, and many other things. When you got a pair of skates, you didn’t refuse them, saying you didn’t know how to skate.

As a pre-teen, you may have signed up for choir, band, or orchestra, and even in high school, you could have taken theater, photography, or pre-calculus.

I see you out there. You inherently love to learn.

You don’t wait until you know all the proper steps to take in dance class; that’s what the course is for.

Why would you criticize your cooking when the new recipe you tried was soggy in the middle? The recipe might suck.

Why are you ashamed to ask for help when things get tough or decide you’re a terrible parent when a teenager strays?

You douse one of life’s greatest joys (learning) when you fear failure and growth or judge yourself for being human.

Retaining your childhood exuberance for adventure, taking chances, and loving each step without reproof will renew your friendship with you.


Secret #3 – Creativity

The human brain is adept at noticing problems. This ability is a good thing because it keeps us safe from potential danger and prompts us to invent solutions that better our lives.

Sometimes we’re so good at discovering problems it seems like they find us when we’re trying to mind our own business.

One way some of us deal with problems is by complaining, blaming, and pointing fingers. These tactics, of course, don’t take care of the issues. If we direct the blaming and finger-pointing at ourselves, we get to deal with shame in addition to the difficulty at hand.

Unhappiness is sometimes a product of self-absorption as we criticize and judge ourselves instead of focusing on discovering solutions to our challenges.

Happiness is the blessed state of patiently pursuing our dreams while treating roadblocks as stepping stones and scenic routes. You are precious and capable!


Loving yourself and being your best friend is the surest way of banishing your worst enemy to eternal nothingness.

Comparison leads to pride, the sneakiest tool of our other worst enemy. The opposite of comparison is connection. Give yourself a hug and talk to yourself like you would expect a teacher or friend to talk to a small child.

You deserve tender compassion no matter what you do. Try to see your earthly experience with curiosity instead of blame, and consider your trials creatively. Be your own best friend.

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